It is said in a biblical scripture to purge the person within to be able to change and live in a way that is good and righteous. I believe that is true because I have lived a life of darkness, which is cruel and ugly. You see and experience so much wrong,so much evil, that it changes you. It breaks you, and the person you once were is no longer in existence. You’re lost, and you become a villain that everyone looks at with distaste, judgment, and assumptions that may not be true.So, you accept that you’rean outcast, and this is who you are. You live in the dark around people just like you—people who don’t judge, or who are just like you. This becomes normal, this becomes family, this becomes love. You forget the good things, the righteous things, the things that matter the most. You’re gone, no longer to be found.

So where is the person who cared? The one who felt? The one who smiled, or even the one who said thank you, or hi, or good morning? Maybe that person is still inside, sleeping, hiding from the beast that now controls your inner being, running it for so long that it has reached your outer being. You look evil, and your energy is dark. Where I’m from, people die—shot over gang violence, betrayal, or ambition to be the next highly respected, feared, and powerful gangster.When people you care for die, or you see people getting shot over gangs, a street, a color, or drug overdoses, or drug trafficking money—that blood money, dirty money, fast money—gone, never to return, that’s when you lose yourself.Pieces of you are gone, and you’re left there, alone, broken on the floor with a gun in your hand, praying to God, asking to live just one more day, asking God to forgive you, crying, wishing things weren’t so bad—that your life wasn’t so dark and cold. Can I just get a little sunshine? Can I just feel some warmth or love? Can I just be normal, live a normal life instead of this evil, dark life of a gangster?

When you seek God and ask for help, you must look deep inside yourself and purge the person within. Just because you’re broken doesn’t mean you can’t be fixed. Just because you’re in pain doesn’t mean you can’t be relieved. Just because you feel alone, uncared for, or unloved, doesn’t mean you are. If God loves you just the way you are, then it’s OK. You’re OK. It’s a step, and that’s all it takes—a step with God’s help, grace, and mercy, plus the people who have always been there for you. You can learn to walk again, starting inside yourself. This is the key to healing. Once you purge the person within, you can take another step and just work on yourself, better yourself. It’s not impossible. You can smile, laugh, and be a better person.

Remember, God loves you. No matter where you are or how far you think you are, God can meet you there. In fact, He’s been waiting for you with an open heart, open arms, and a love so great that He gave His only begotten Son to die for your sins. You’re not so far gone; you’re not a failure; you’re not alone. I thought I could live this life until I died. I thought I was a gangster, and I accepted my death in the way of gangs or however this dark, evil life would take me. But a woman touched me, and I knew God was there the whole time. When I reflect on my past, I realize I should have died in the streets; I should have overdosed on drugs. But I didn’t. I’m here because God touched me through a woman that I care for deeply, a woman I want to change for, to live a better life, make better choices, and make her smile. And of course, I give my respects and glory to God for the greatest gift He has ever given me. Seek God, Jesus Christ, and purge the person within. See how God will heal your brokenness, change the beast you were, soften your heart, and bring back your smile. Purge the person within—a step closer to God is all it takes. He’s been right there, waiting for you.