You know, before this version, the kid wrote another one, the gangster mixed with the kid, and the result was a rebellious tantrum saying, “fuck this and fuck New Year’s” and I’m trying,” but the gangsta said “fuck you,” basically. *Sigh!* How hard it is to change and be better when all your life, this is what you have been.

But it’s a process, and last year I met a woman that is dear to me, touched me so I think about things more. I even apologized for the article that the gangster wrote. Naturally, in a rebellious nature, he is. So, this year, I want to focus on a better me. Someone that can actually talk to people respectfully and smile more often. Someone that can actually laugh and be happy. Someone that’s a good person inside, even on the outside, and do good things for anyone that’s broken, like me, a lot of times.

That suffering we felt and been through hurt, but it hurt to the point that it only made us stronger, even if we may not have felt or noticed the strength within. But guess what? Next morning, you got up, you stood on your own two feet. That alone is evidence to your own strength, despite the pain, depression, and lost thoughts of sorrow. You felt it hurt, but you are better now. We are better. I hope someone hears these words of encouragement for the broken, which are not broken, for the sick, which are not sick, for the lost and raging monster; you are not a monster. I am not a monster but a better man or woman we will be this year… humble the beast.

Editor’s Notes

“Humble the beast” is a quote from Japanese manga Bleach that Ray really likes. He once wrote to me about the quote and it resonates with him. “I like the Japanese manga “Bleach.” Well, there is that same quote in a volume I’ve read, and it is second to my favorite quote. It’s really wise words: “Humble the beast.” Yes, it’s just I’ve lived this life so long, and I’ve always been surrounded by these hostile environments. Like, you become one of them; it’s all you know. So, when you come to a point where you want to change, you have to adjust to a good way of life and not be the beast you used to be. So, little things bother you when someone is disrespectful or others similar things in that form. You feel that beast stir, the anger, the loss of patience. You just want to lash out because it’s all you know in this life. Someone disrespects you; you automatically attack, defend yourself. If you don’t, then you are food for the other beast. So, like, you have to fight; you have to stand up and be strong, or you will get eaten alive. So, you are that beast, and you are so used to being this beast and having it live freely that when you want to do right, it’s hard for you. So, you have to control yourself, humble yourself, be strong in patience, speak with kindness in your heart, be a good person when all you know is evil. So, I thought of this and wrote that quote.”