I still feel alone—so much strength, only to feel so weak. Have I failed? Have I failed myself? These walls seem to overpower me, and I feel lost. If I look at them, I get lost; if I touch them, they give me visions. If I live in silence, I hear voices. I thought I had broken this alone. Damn! I feel alone.

I wish I didn’t feel alone. I wish I could hold a woman’s hand and just gain a little strength to keep going. Losing it, losing myself—damn walls, damn loneliness. Alone again, I feel so lonely, unseen, lost behind prison walls. I wish I could be heard, and I wish I could be seen. Is there help? Is there someone to hear my cries for salvation?

Silence, unheard, then more voices and just a loss of everything. It keeps on, day after day—losing it, losing myself. Damn! Alone again. No help, no strength, just weakness. How could I let this happen? How could these walls touch me, grasp me, and pull me so deep into the darkness? Am I fading? A ghost, a silhouette, a shadow—damn! Can anybody see me? Can anybody help me? I am fighting, I am losing, I am defeated.

So many terrible thoughts, so many crushing mental battles, so much loss, so much defeat. Did I give up? Am I strong enough? Is there anyone who can help? I can’t keep on. It’s too much. I… I… I don’t know what to do. Alone once again, lost, and wounds reopened—broken beyond repair. So tired… can I just sleep it away? Can I just run away? Locked behind prison walls, the cell door refuses to open. Will any door open? Freedom—what is it? I’ve forgotten. So many years and so much solitude—too much solitude. Alone again. This is how solitary confinement feels. This is what it feels like.

So many thoughts come to mind like a speeding bullet—thought after thought. The thing is, it’s your mind running at full speed. Alone you feel, but is that true? What the voices say—are they true? Are you really weak? It only feels that way. Just when you thought you were strong, you get crushed, broken down again. But it’s not over. You can heal, get back up, and just start over again.

Alone again, but you are not alone. It may seem that way, but you remain alive, breathing, and on your feet. You are not alone, and you are strong. It’s at your lowest point that if you just don’t give in, you find your true strength to fight back.

Alone again? No! God did say, “I shall never leave nor forsake you.” He also said, “If you call upon the name of the Lord, you shall be saved.” Alone again? No! You remain, and you have not lost. You are not weak, and those voices are not real. Those walls in solitary confinement do not control you. You have never been alone—it only seems that way. But you are so strong that you actually won the battle you thought was lost.

You are not alone again; you are found, you are loved, and you are strong. So strong that when you thought all was lost, God was there. And since then, you have never been alone. It was His hand holding on to you this whole time, telling you again and again: You are not alone. And since I have been here, you will never feel alone again.